Diary of a Black Sheep 4 Bring on the Wine and Cupcakes

I don’t remember if I wrote about this before, but I am moving. Not just down the street, but to a completely different state where I don’t know anyone and on my own for the first time. My dream is to travel, teach, and to live in many different places. I recently graduated with my first degree and decided now is a better time than any to start chasing some of my bigger dreams.
I’ve been planning this for about a year now to prepare my friends and my mom; my notice was turned in at work, I said goodbye to my counsellor of about a year, and last night was my going away party. My bosses even came which made the night even more special. My childhood friend came and we were able to reconnect and talk about the future of our friendship which meant everything to me. I got to introduce my favourite people to my other favourite people and I feel really blessed to have these relationships that will continue even after I go off on new adventures.
For the first time in a long time, I got to experience a room full of people that are excited for what lies ahead for me and want to continue to be a part of that journey. For someone that has a hard time really connecting, last night was truly beautiful.
I thought the actual act of moving would be what caused me the most growth (more on that in the next coming months). However, the goodbyes have been just important. It’s the first time in my life where goodbyes aren’t negative; they’re still painful and I’m sad in some ways, but I’ve gotten to tell people what they’ve meant to me, and thank them. I know in the back of my mind some of these goodbyes are permanent. It’s inevitable, I’m young, but some of my friends are much older and though I plan on staying in contact with them, I know this could be the last time I get to see them in person. Others, such as my counsellor, have to end for ethical reasons; even though I know if I ever need to or want to I can send an email…that has to be probably the most comforting thing.
Going through this part though has helped me realize that being more open is something I should do more often. I and the people around me feel more comfortable expressing the feelings that we have because we’re saying goodbye, but it’s also showing me that there really isn’t anything scary about sharing these feelings.
For example, I had the pleasure of meeting up with one of my friends for lunch the other day. He’s an unlikely friend for me to have. I’m a 23-year-old college girl that’s all over the place and alternative. He’s a retired 90-year-old businessman. We met at my old job where we ended up talking every day about history and travel and thus became great friends. When he heard I was moving we decided to have lunch and I got to tell him how much I admire him for how he lives his life. He’s been through so much, yet every day he makes a point to get up, go out, and be positive and uplifting to other people. It’s amazing to me and I got to tell him so.
Back when I was at my old job, he and I just talked about history and what I was studying in school or where he was going but we both had a lot going on internally that we didn’t necessarily share. However, we always had something to look forward to in the early mornings and that was just someone we could talk to that supported our interests and wanted good things for the other person. It’s amazing to me that really such a small thing has come to mean so much to me and developed into such a cool friendship. He’s definitely someone I will always be thankful I met and someone I will always look up to. He could’ve taken one look at me, decided I was some punk kid and ignored me. Instead, he got to know me and told me how proud he is of me and it meant the world.
I also saw one of my childhood friends that I went through a rough patch with. My parents had a really messy divorce and when my relationship with my father fell apart she and I disagreed about how I handled it. To the point, we were really tense around each other and stopped speaking for a while. We’ve since put that behind us and have come out stronger because of it. She understands why I feel the way I do and I shared with her some of the other things that were happening at the same time and why I did what I did. We hadn’t seen each other in a while and ended up talking until 2 in the morning and it was so good to see her. I’m so happy to have this friend back and to be back in a relationship with her. Most of my relationships that have ended are irreparable which is absolutely heartbreaking. This one coming back to me gives me a hope that I didn’t have before. Sometimes it takes time and for two people to do some growing up. That being said, it was like we didn’t miss a beat and we’re back to being the friends that we once were when I could’ve sworn it would never be the same. I’m so thankful for her and I’m excited for what our future holds.
There’s been a lot leading up to this big change in my life. I feel more than ready and I believe that this is the right decision for me. Even though I am starting over and I am a different person, I’m so thankful and excited for the relationships that were either made or that made it through this storm in my life.
There’s been a lot of heartbreak and tears for the last five years, but last night was cupcakes, wine, and realizing that I do have love in my life, not all goodbyes are final, and I’ll have a lot of visiting to do 🙂
I hope you all are having a wonderful Sunday and that this post reminds you of some of the awesome people in your life that love you back.
See you next week!

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